Post by Warfrost on Apr 17, 2011 12:20:43 GMT -6
EDIT: I'm not leaving! What I mean by this is that I'm going to be pretty inactive.
Hey guys. It's me, Dire. While I'm writing this I find myself growing even more reluctant, even though I've spent all night restlessly thinking it over. So recently, my computer and my family's computer has been attacked by a Trojan virus. The virus protection required to clean this up and fix our computer costs about $50.00 per year. We can't afford that, not in this economy. Things have continued to get worse for my family, and we've been talking. In effort to continue having a roof over our heads and food on our table, extra and unnecessary costs need to be cut. That means we'll be loosing our TV, our internet, and even our phone.
I have found that I've gotten so addicted to the computer I'm becoming isolated from life. I'm homeschooled, so I don't get to be with a lot of my friends. So, I thought role-playing sites might make up for my lack of interaction. Apparently it only made things worse. Recently I've been experiencing mental and physical strain. The stress has gotten to a point where I'm almost in constant pain. I've developed some sort of athsma; we live in a dry climate, so I've been able to avoid it, but the stress has been making it come back. I've been waking up at night, gasping for air. It scares me, to think I might suffocate while asleep. Along with this I've been experiencing chest pain. I can't even sit without pain jerking my body with every heartbeat. I hate the feeling of a knife being stabbed in my heart at random times of the day. I've also have increasingly frequent headaches, like my head is being compressed. This also affects the rest of my body: sleep leaves me more tired than before. I'm constantly mentally and physically tired. A nearly thirteen year old shouldn't be under this must stress. My parents have begun to worry about me, but we don't have the money to go to the doctor to see if anything might help with this. Along with this, I've developed mood swings, often getting angry over the littlest things or becoming very depressed. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts too much.
My parents also don't like this "role-playing" thing. They don't trust it. It's too much information getting out there, they say. I lie and say that they barely know me. But as all role-players know, that is an obvious lie. We've all grown close together, like a family. Some of us have never met in real life, yet we know each other very well. We know each other's pet peeves, we know each other's real life problems... Heck, we're practically friends, even though in truth we're complete strangers. Over this time of role-playing with you all I've begun to see you as my friends. I've grown close to you and have held you dear to me. Which makes my decision all the harder, even though I don't actually know you- any of you. You're all strangers. But the bonds we make through role-playing is peculiar, almost unexplainable.
I won't be able to come on often, if at all. I might come on every other day. There may be weeks between my appearances, or even months. My only way to come on is through the internet on my dad's work laptop. However, my parents have restricted me from coming on the internet on this computer. Therefore I'll have to sneak on, which will be harder in summer, since I can't use schoolwork as an excuse.
Don't think that I'm leaving permanently, because I will try to get on when I can... it's just that you might see less of me, and I'll probably only come on for a few minutes to check on my accounts and threads. To those who I owe replies to, you might have to wait for responses, but I promise to give them to you, one way or the other. When I do happen to get on, the most you might get is a simple "hi" in the cbox, and then I'll probably just become a shadow on the site, working offstage, not really social. You have to understand that this is all out of my control: my parents don't have the money, I'm too young to get that kind of money quickly, and there is nothing I can do to change it. Trust me, I would if I could.
But these things happen. If the economy doesn't get better real quick or we don't find a way not to cut these costs, you won't be seeing me very often, if at all. Now, like I sometimes say, this isn't any permanent goodbyes. Take this more of, say, a "see you soon!". This is just temporary...but "temporary" might be a little bit longer than usual. Meanwhile, I'm going to get involved with my life again. I'm going to start enjoying each day and hopefully this mental and physical pain will go away over time. I can start smiling again, and laughing with old friends I haven't seen in a long time- perhaps even make new ones. You know, the ones that you don't interact with through a computer screen. Although these seem like a lot of changes, life hasn't changed at all. Life continues to be the same: awful and wonderful at the same time. So with my own personal ups and downs, I can only look around me and at my life, and say my familiar personal quote: It makes sense if you don't think about it too much. And I suppose in some ways, that's true about life.
So as far as uncertainty goes, I might be inactive for awhile. But don't worry too much, loves. <3 I'll come around again. Just keep watching out for my return(s).
From your old friend,
Dire
Ghost
Compass
(and all the other names you know me by)
Hey guys. It's me, Dire. While I'm writing this I find myself growing even more reluctant, even though I've spent all night restlessly thinking it over. So recently, my computer and my family's computer has been attacked by a Trojan virus. The virus protection required to clean this up and fix our computer costs about $50.00 per year. We can't afford that, not in this economy. Things have continued to get worse for my family, and we've been talking. In effort to continue having a roof over our heads and food on our table, extra and unnecessary costs need to be cut. That means we'll be loosing our TV, our internet, and even our phone.
I have found that I've gotten so addicted to the computer I'm becoming isolated from life. I'm homeschooled, so I don't get to be with a lot of my friends. So, I thought role-playing sites might make up for my lack of interaction. Apparently it only made things worse. Recently I've been experiencing mental and physical strain. The stress has gotten to a point where I'm almost in constant pain. I've developed some sort of athsma; we live in a dry climate, so I've been able to avoid it, but the stress has been making it come back. I've been waking up at night, gasping for air. It scares me, to think I might suffocate while asleep. Along with this I've been experiencing chest pain. I can't even sit without pain jerking my body with every heartbeat. I hate the feeling of a knife being stabbed in my heart at random times of the day. I've also have increasingly frequent headaches, like my head is being compressed. This also affects the rest of my body: sleep leaves me more tired than before. I'm constantly mentally and physically tired. A nearly thirteen year old shouldn't be under this must stress. My parents have begun to worry about me, but we don't have the money to go to the doctor to see if anything might help with this. Along with this, I've developed mood swings, often getting angry over the littlest things or becoming very depressed. I can't handle it anymore. It hurts too much.
My parents also don't like this "role-playing" thing. They don't trust it. It's too much information getting out there, they say. I lie and say that they barely know me. But as all role-players know, that is an obvious lie. We've all grown close together, like a family. Some of us have never met in real life, yet we know each other very well. We know each other's pet peeves, we know each other's real life problems... Heck, we're practically friends, even though in truth we're complete strangers. Over this time of role-playing with you all I've begun to see you as my friends. I've grown close to you and have held you dear to me. Which makes my decision all the harder, even though I don't actually know you- any of you. You're all strangers. But the bonds we make through role-playing is peculiar, almost unexplainable.
I won't be able to come on often, if at all. I might come on every other day. There may be weeks between my appearances, or even months. My only way to come on is through the internet on my dad's work laptop. However, my parents have restricted me from coming on the internet on this computer. Therefore I'll have to sneak on, which will be harder in summer, since I can't use schoolwork as an excuse.
Don't think that I'm leaving permanently, because I will try to get on when I can... it's just that you might see less of me, and I'll probably only come on for a few minutes to check on my accounts and threads. To those who I owe replies to, you might have to wait for responses, but I promise to give them to you, one way or the other. When I do happen to get on, the most you might get is a simple "hi" in the cbox, and then I'll probably just become a shadow on the site, working offstage, not really social. You have to understand that this is all out of my control: my parents don't have the money, I'm too young to get that kind of money quickly, and there is nothing I can do to change it. Trust me, I would if I could.
But these things happen. If the economy doesn't get better real quick or we don't find a way not to cut these costs, you won't be seeing me very often, if at all. Now, like I sometimes say, this isn't any permanent goodbyes. Take this more of, say, a "see you soon!". This is just temporary...but "temporary" might be a little bit longer than usual. Meanwhile, I'm going to get involved with my life again. I'm going to start enjoying each day and hopefully this mental and physical pain will go away over time. I can start smiling again, and laughing with old friends I haven't seen in a long time- perhaps even make new ones. You know, the ones that you don't interact with through a computer screen. Although these seem like a lot of changes, life hasn't changed at all. Life continues to be the same: awful and wonderful at the same time. So with my own personal ups and downs, I can only look around me and at my life, and say my familiar personal quote: It makes sense if you don't think about it too much. And I suppose in some ways, that's true about life.
So as far as uncertainty goes, I might be inactive for awhile. But don't worry too much, loves. <3 I'll come around again. Just keep watching out for my return(s).
From your old friend,
Dire
Ghost
Compass
(and all the other names you know me by)